Thursday, May 20, 2010

Conspiracies in Turkey, part 1 in our Fun with Paranoia series.

My Top 5 ways to get prosecuated under Article 301!!
In keeping with modern hard-hitting journalism's trend of making groundbreaking Top 5 lists (or 10 if you're a zealot), I am joining the bandwagon with a slightly edgier version.  You have to match up the 5 yourself!  The following are the Top 5 ways to get prosecuted under Article 301!  The winner will get to accuse his or her person of choice with one of these crimes formally in court.

Instructions:  Failure to follow instructions will result in full prosecution under Article 301.  Let's Play!

Match the first half (PART 1) of the sentence with the second half (PART 2), and send me an email with your answers.
1.  Stand at the mausoleum of Ataturk and...
2.  Publish a book, and then at a press conference in Uganda say that...
3.  Wearing a mask of Fatih Sultan Mehmet, run naked across the FSM bridge with a tattoo on your ass that says...
4.  With your Armenian Bible in one hand, and Kurdish prison memoir in the other, go to the Ministry of Foreign affairs and proclaim...
5.  Go into the men's bathroom at your nearest türkü pub and write on the wall above the urinal that...

a. you've occasionally had doubts about whether Ataturk's face should not be carved in gold and set on the roof of the UN rather than the cheaper silver.
b. you believe the single quote style of the British system is more than enough to enclose the words 'genocide' and there's no need for the double quotes used by the "Americans".
c.  you love a good beer and plate of peas with tiny bits of ham more than you love turkey (and refuse to say whether your toshiba's shift key is broken or not).
d.  That your case of herpes was not given to you by a promiscuous Russian, nor a Kurdish terrorist, but rather by a barfly in Greece whose grandmother may have been Turkish.
e.  Mossad and the Deep State are gay lovers!

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