Thursday, May 20, 2010

Fun With Paranoia! Part 2, Take the Quiz

IS MY BOYFRIEND INVOLVED IN A CONSPIRACY?  TAKE THE QUIZ AND FIND OUT!!  (Please reverse all gender pronouns for "Is my girlfriend involved in a conspiracy?")

1.  Do you feel that your boyfriend may be involved in a conspiracy?
a. always b. sometimes c. never
2.  Does he look sleepy when he is out with you as if up late at night doing secretsy things?
a. always b. sometimes c. never
3.  Does he take longer in the bathroom than you feel he needs to?
a. always b. sometimes c. never
4.  Is he non-Turkish?
a. always b. sometimes c. never
5.  Does he never notice when you get a hair cut or when a restaurant fails to hang a picture of Ataturk?
a. always b. sometimes c. never
6.  When you say, "Why don't we play a game of solitaire," does he become extraordinarily compliant?
a. always b. sometimes c. never
7.  Do you hear voices coming from the furniture or street animals that tell you your boyfriend is "in league with the forces of darkness"?
a. always b. sometimes c. never
8.  Do you find him talking to inanimate objects such as fruit or toilet seat covers?
a. always b. sometimes c. never
9.  Does he refuse to let you have full access to all of his emails, text messages, and facebook accounts?
a. always b. sometimes c. never
10.  Does he look totally hot in black!
a. always b. sometimes c. never

Score 3 for all "a" answers, 2 for all "b" answers, and 1 for all "c" answers.  Question number 1 should be counted 5 times.

30-45:  Your boyfriend is definitely involved in a conspiracy.  A lower number indicates he is a leader, while a higher number probably indicates he is a brainwashed pawn.  Odd numbers are generally in league with the Deep State.  Even numbers are working with the U.S.  Fractions are typically part of a secret league of Jewish businessmen, while irrational numbers indicate an affiliation with Armenian business men.
15-30:  Rest assured.  Your boyfriend is a true patriot, but he doesn't need to kill anyone to prove it!  You, however, may be involved in a conspiracy.
1-20:  Your boyfriend is definitely involved in a conspiracy, but he's clever enough to try and hide it.  You need to play it safe and accuse him of insulting Ataturk.  Plant evidence if necessary.  He's dangerous, he's clever, and he must be destroyed to save the children.

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